Spilling the beans

Well, there's no other way to say it than....

I'm pregnant! 10 weeks, due October 20th!

I'll give you a second to get over the shock. (just look at the baaaaaay-beeeee! even though he doesn't look like a baby)



I have to say, I'm thrilled. I was truly convinced I wouldn't have any more babies.  To the point of already getting rid of a bunch of baby things and all of my maternity clothes. I am so excited to be having another baby. I can't wait to hold him.  I can't wait to nurse him. I pass by the newborn sized clothes and I get all giddy. 

Obviously this was a giant surprise. As you know, Jacob and I had broken up on Valentine's day and I didn't find out I was pregnant until about 3 weeks ago. I'd been having a really hard time. Like, really hard. I couldn't stop crying and that's not like me. I took a pregnancy test on a whim at lunch so that I could get all irrational reasons out of my head as to why I was acting crazy, and it turned out positive.  I called Jacob into the hall and told him immediately.

Over the last few weeks we've had our ups and downs. We aren't getting back together as of right now. While we do love each other, we feel like putting this kind of stress on ourselves isn't what it best at the moment. If we end up together we want to make sure it's because we want to be with the other person, not simply because we are having a baby. But whether or not we get back together, he's going to be there. He went to the sonogram and is going to the dr appointment in a couple of weeks. It's actually really sweet how concerned he is- always asking if I'm okay, if the baby is okay, making sure I'm as least stressed as possible, etc.

As for whether or not I'm doing okay, for the most part I am. Sure I get overwhelmed sometimes at the thought of being a single mom to three kids. I can barely survive with the two I've got at times. BUT, I believe that babies are nothing but a blessing and I am more than willing to work and fight for my family. God knew this baby before the beginning of time, and I'm certain that He never makes mistakes (no matter what mine are). Everyone I talked to has been nothing but kind, supportive, and encouraging. I'm not gonna lie, I was really worried about the reaction of people. Before I told anyone the shame was so hard to bear. But I have been shocked. Not one person has been disappointed in me. Not one person has condemned. Talk about being shown God's love, grace, and mercy through all of this.

So, my family is changing. Growing.

Pretty soon it's not just going to be three faces in my family photos. Luke knows, but isn't all that interested (he's a true boy!) (he did ask how the baby was going to get out- I told him Mom had special parts that let the baby out, and wanted to know about the hospital- he remembered me going when Evan was born) and I know Evan is going to LOVE the baby. Girlfriend is nuts for babies.  This face?

That's the face of a helper right there.

Toddler Bed

The month so far has floated by. There have been some big things happening of which I can't yet mention, but one thing that did happen last night was this. 

Yep. My baby is not in a baby bed anymore.

*moment of silence*

It went great at first. I took the front off while she was in the bath (Luke was my "big helper") and let her play on it for a few minutes when she got out. Then we finished our routine- got jammies on, brushed her teeth and hair, then rocked before tucking her in. She fell right to sleep. Score!

I got in bed about 10 and was out immediately.  The trouble started about 11.  First she was just crying. I got up, rocked her, then tucked her back in.  Then she was crying in her sleep. Then she was calling for me. "Momma? Momma? Momma?" Four separate times in 3 hours. Finally at 4:30 I heard a smack and a wail....she'd gotten out of bed and had run into her door.  Being done with the whole situation, I just brought her to bed with me hoping to get an hour more sleep before being up for the day.

Wrong.

She tossed. Turned. Kicked. Dozed. Cried more. I thought she was finally asleep when my alarm went off, but 10 minutes into my shower I had to jump out again due to a certain little sob.

I don't know what was wrong with my girl. She's never like this. I'm just hoping she's better by the time she comes home tonight!

And now for a photo dump from the last couple of weeks.....

One night dinner was particularly messy, so I'd given Evan a bath a little earlier than usual. Luke was sitting on the fire place driving his remote control car when she took the comb I'd just been using on her and when to town on him. It was the sweetest sight to watch him patiently sit there and let her comb his hair while he drove his car.  Killed me.

Another night we had movie night. She's not afraid to get comfortable.

A couple of Saturdays ago they were actually playing really nicely together. It's not uncommon. And it's loud. Very loud.

The bathing suit I'd bought her off Zulily finally came in! Unfortunately it was a size 2T and she looked like a stuffed sausage in it. I've since ordered her a different suit in a 3T. Boo, because I really loved this one.

Thursday Luke got his cast off!  Woo hoo!!!

4 year old selfies. I love him.

Sunday morning I needed yogurt for breakfast. I turned around and a little girl had gotten ahold of my container. :( I don't normally give them baths before church (who has time for that?!) but I made an exception this week.

Last night I took out the trash and noticed a little grass snake coming out from under the trash can. Naturally I beat it to death with the empty can and then picked it up with a stick to take and show Luke. He was only mildly impressed. At least it wasn't inside like the last one I saw. (okay, I just spent 45 minutes looking for the post where I found a little snake just like this in my living room covered in cobwebs. Can't find it!)