Spilling the beans

Well, there's no other way to say it than....

I'm pregnant! 10 weeks, due October 20th!

I'll give you a second to get over the shock. (just look at the baaaaaay-beeeee! even though he doesn't look like a baby)



I have to say, I'm thrilled. I was truly convinced I wouldn't have any more babies.  To the point of already getting rid of a bunch of baby things and all of my maternity clothes. I am so excited to be having another baby. I can't wait to hold him.  I can't wait to nurse him. I pass by the newborn sized clothes and I get all giddy. 

Obviously this was a giant surprise. As you know, Jacob and I had broken up on Valentine's day and I didn't find out I was pregnant until about 3 weeks ago. I'd been having a really hard time. Like, really hard. I couldn't stop crying and that's not like me. I took a pregnancy test on a whim at lunch so that I could get all irrational reasons out of my head as to why I was acting crazy, and it turned out positive.  I called Jacob into the hall and told him immediately.

Over the last few weeks we've had our ups and downs. We aren't getting back together as of right now. While we do love each other, we feel like putting this kind of stress on ourselves isn't what it best at the moment. If we end up together we want to make sure it's because we want to be with the other person, not simply because we are having a baby. But whether or not we get back together, he's going to be there. He went to the sonogram and is going to the dr appointment in a couple of weeks. It's actually really sweet how concerned he is- always asking if I'm okay, if the baby is okay, making sure I'm as least stressed as possible, etc.

As for whether or not I'm doing okay, for the most part I am. Sure I get overwhelmed sometimes at the thought of being a single mom to three kids. I can barely survive with the two I've got at times. BUT, I believe that babies are nothing but a blessing and I am more than willing to work and fight for my family. God knew this baby before the beginning of time, and I'm certain that He never makes mistakes (no matter what mine are). Everyone I talked to has been nothing but kind, supportive, and encouraging. I'm not gonna lie, I was really worried about the reaction of people. Before I told anyone the shame was so hard to bear. But I have been shocked. Not one person has been disappointed in me. Not one person has condemned. Talk about being shown God's love, grace, and mercy through all of this.

So, my family is changing. Growing.

Pretty soon it's not just going to be three faces in my family photos. Luke knows, but isn't all that interested (he's a true boy!) (he did ask how the baby was going to get out- I told him Mom had special parts that let the baby out, and wanted to know about the hospital- he remembered me going when Evan was born) and I know Evan is going to LOVE the baby. Girlfriend is nuts for babies.  This face?

That's the face of a helper right there.