Thursday, October 25, 2012


So. A post about dating is one I've played around with in my head for awhile, but always felt weird about actually putting out there.  Because it is weird. And I've had kind of a hard time with it.

Yes, I'm dating someone right now.  He's caring and patient and loves me for who I am. Am I going to marry him?  Probably not.  But it's been interesting to learn the ropes.

Honestly?  I still suck at it.  I distinctly remember a few years ago thinking "Thank you Jesus for bringing me my husband so early in life.  My poor heart- I don't think I would fare well in the dating world.  That is JUST not. for. me."

Yet, here I am. 

Cody and I started "dating" when we were 15.  Got engaged at 19, and got married 6 months later.  The dating scene?  Skipped it completely.

So now, I'm 29 years old and have no idea what to do.  What to expect.  In my head, when you are with someone, in a relationship, you are WITH them.  Activities, church, dinner, life.  Together.  I'm having the hardest time separating the all inclusive togetherness of marriage with the more casual togetherness of dating.  It causes fights.

I have my life.

He has his. 

And they are not one in the same. 

This leaves me with disappointed expectations.  Quiet lonely evenings after the kids are in bed.  I miss the companionship of having my friend around all the time.

It's been hard to be patient through this. I know I most likely have YEARS of this ahead of me, and it's overwhelming to think about. I know the "christian" answer- that I'm supposed to find peace and fulfillment right where I am and be thankful for this time to focus on God, the kids, and myself.  I'm also pretty sure most of the people who think this or would give me that advice are people who are already married.  So to you...suck it.  Why don't you get left behind by your love and then try to find "peace and fulfillment". 

Oh my.  That sounded bitter. 

I'm (okay, mostly) not really bitter.  I just get frustrated by people who think they know the answers when they haven't been in the situation at all.

So, that's what goes on in my head.  Have a single mom in your life?  Here's a tip.  Encourage her.  Tell her that her situation sucks but she is rocking it.  That you don't know how things are going to turn out for her, but you are praying for her and excited be on the journey with her to see where life is going to take her. 


Lucy Marie said...

Your situation sucks but you are rocking it. I don't know how things are going to turn out for you, but I am praying for you and excited be on the journey with you to see where life is going to take you.

Okay, so that was probably a smart @$$ thing to do but you know me, always looking to be a smartie :)

I love you and am (seriously) praying for oyu in this situation. Text me any time . Anytime at all.

I have often the same thing about being grateful I found E early in life bc I'd drown in the dating world. I don't know what it's like to be inyour shoes, but I do knwo you have strength and grace that knows no bounds. x

sfoltermann said...

You are awesome. Rocking it doesn't cover it.

Kristin Crowder said...

I know I'm far away and can't see your situation but I have the UTMOST respect for single moms. I can only imagine the challenges you face with being a momma taking care of your little people and trying to take care of your own desires. I'm praying that God brings you your perfect mate in His perfect timing and I hope His timing is soon. You are an incredible mom and will be an incredible wife when that time comes. Until then, it sucks, but you're rocking it :)

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to say you are such a big encourgement to me..ive started to read your blog not too long ago and love it, im currently on my way on being a single mom of two, a lil boy thats 3 1/2 and daughter thats 1..i too was with my husband since 15 and got married at 19, im currently 27 and once our daughter was born he did a 180, it has been completely heartbreaking for me, i struggle everyday, we separated for 8 months and ive been back home for 3 and well im getting the whole i dont love you anymore thing once again..Anyways know you are not alone, thank you for being so honest and sharing your thoughts, they have helped me and reading your blog gives me much joy. I see you can do it and sure are rocking it ;) and you give me hope that i too can embrace this change and know God has great plans for me as he does for you! Thank You!!

Erica and Matt said...

not only do you ROCK IT but you look good while doing it (and so do your kids!!)