I am a person who thrives on order. I need a set schedule, a time and a place for everything. Otherwise, nothing gets done. The one glaring shortfall of my lack of schedule is carving out a daily quiet time with the Lord. With no predetermined time for this to happen, the day gets away from me and by then end I'm too tired for any soul searching to happen. So today I've changed that. From 3-4 every afternoon is the Lord's time. Luke is almost always asleep, there is nothing good on t.v., and it's too early to start in with dinner and evening activities. I'm not sure why I didn't think of this before, but I did today and I started immediately. Already I've gotten amazing results.
The first thing I did (besides spend some time face-down in the carpet) was get out my Strong's Exhaustive Concordance. If you don't have one, GET ONE! It's amazing how the same scripture read over and over will change once you find out what one little word means. Not knowing where to start in my bible, I just happened to flip to Philemon. I started reading and came to verse 6: "and I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge...." Now I had always just assumed it meant sharing as in evangelizing. But something told me to look that word up. It actually means to have "fellowship, the close association between persons, emphasizing what is common between them". How cool is that! As if I really needed another reason to fellowship with my brothers and sister in Christ.
But this is where the Lord really spoke to me. This is why I was meant to read the bible today. Here is verses 14-16:
"but I preferred to do nothing without our consent in order that your goodness might not be by compulsion but of your own free will. For this perhaps is why he was parted from you for a while, that you might have him back forever, no longer as a slave but more than a slave, as a beloved brother-especially to me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord."
How desperately I needed to hear that. Those words were a healing salve on my broken heart. As soon as I read them I was just overcome with emotion, I'm even crying again just rereading them. Cody and I will be okay. He will come back to me. I KNOW it. God is working some things out in us, and he will be mine forever. But not only mine forever, he will be stronger in the Lord. Thank you Jesus for speaking to deep wounds and having grace that is sufficient enough and strength that is renewed each morning.